You are good enough to use, but not good enough to date: My experiences with men

Somewhere in the middle of singleness and marriage, is a lesson to be learned. I haven’t learned that lesson yet, but what I have learned from dating and marriage is this, the wrong man will not want you more than he can use you.

In the age of the independent woman, has grown a sect of mankind that I will call users. You know the type; lives with his mom, can’t keep a job, doesn’t drive his own car. That man is looking for an independent woman who has made her way in the world without a man, so he can take everything she has earned. When he is done with her, he leaves her broken and destitute. Eventually, that man will go on to find a woman, who has less, that he can give more and do more for than he has ever done for you.

How do I know this?

I have been a single mother since I was 18. Because I became a mom so early, I had to learn to work hard and do what I needed to do to provide for myself and my child. In my ignorance, I twice married users, as I have named them above. The truth is, a single parent mother usually has more going for her than most single men. Yet, she is so desperate for love that she will settle for any man who makes her feel good, rather than waiting for a man whose words and actions line up.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 says, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.” These are the men who prey upon single women, mothers especially, using them until there is nothing left.

If you are the type of woman who has a lot going for herself, but keeps winding up with the wrong type of man, then maybe you are like me and probably shouldn’t date. We have too much to offer, and most men can’t handle that. But the Bible gives us hope as well. 2 Timothy 2: 22 speaks to us when it says, “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”  Seek God first and His kingdom. Stop. Don’t add anything else. Seek God with a pure heart, and He will handle the rest. Trust the Lord God and lean not on your own understanding and He will direct your path (Proverbs 3:5-6).

According to some, this is the part where I am supposed to start bashing myself, where you should start downing yourself and say, “Well, maybe I had a part to play in all of this. What did I do to make him…?” But no, I’m not going to do it. I’m friggin awesome, now deal with it.