Keep On Keeping On

A couple of months ago I said I wanted to lose 20 pounds by the end of this year. In itself, 20 pounds is a reasonable goal. However, when you add on the stressors of life, it seems to be unobtainable. As a matter of fact, I have gained five more pounds since the last time I gained five pounds. At first, my weight stayed within normal ranges; I was neither gaining nor losing. Then I became sick along with my female monthly cycle, which meant I did not work out for a week. Within that time I also started working a stressful job. Yes, working with children can be very stressful.

Compound the stressful job, stressful financial situation, stressful life situations, and a scale that does not budge, and it is not hard to see why I gained 10 pounds after deciding to lose 20. What is more frustrating is that being consistently unhappy with the way I look is not going to make me feel better about myself. If I could accept myself as I am, I think I would be happy and less stressed, and that may actually help me obtain my weight loss goals.

Unfortunately, I do not know how to see the image I see in the mirror as beautiful. I know people say look at yourself through God’s eyes, but I am not really impressed with that image either. On the whole, I feel like I am failing at life (bachelor’s degree and two years of graduate work and all I have is a part time job). I can’t even lose 20 pounds, how will I be able to do anything else important?

But as you can see from the title of this post, I am not giving up yet. I have been trying to lose the same 40+ pounds for 12 years now, why stop now? I learned to braid hair after 12 years, I am sure I can get this together at some point. I am going to start drinking green smoothies again tomorrow.