Failing to minister
I have been meaning to write about this for a while, but didn't quite know how to go about it. Friday October 26, 2012, a group of Christian artists got together in down town Columbia, in 5 Points, to minister. My husband is a Gospel rapper basically so of course I went down there to hear him and the other artists, but also to minister. I took a few Chick-tracs with me.
While I was there, a couple of other women were there to minister as well. We asked the passersby if they would like to pray with us or if they had accepted Jesus as savior. I handed out my tracs and flyers to another Christian concert that would be held the next day. While we were out there ministering I got a call from my sister. Apparently, earlier that day, a friend of ours from college had taken her life.
I think if anyone else had heard that news they would have broken down in tears and begun crying right away. I was saddened, and upset, but I could not cry. That is when I realized that inspite of the circumstances around me, I have the joy of the Lord in my heart. I praised God after my sister and I got off the phone. Not because my friend had taken her life, but because inspite of it all, God is good.
See, my friend was an atheist, and she suffered from depression. I believe her depression stemmed from the fact that she did not have a clear view of herself. She did not see what I saw, or what God saw. That she was a beautiful woman created in the image of God. She rebelled against this image, finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that she was indeed a woman.
I praised God because before I was saved, I thought the same way she did. I found it difficult to live in my own skin. I did not see why gender mattered, why I was called a woman, why I couldn't be a man. I struggled with depression and tried to take my life on numerous occassions, but I know God was with me through it all and eventually He delivered me from it.
I was also sorrowful though, because I had deleted her as a friend off of my Facebook Page after she made blasphemous statements about God. I thought to myself that if I hadn't taken her out of my life, or gotten out of hers, maybe I could have ministered to her. Maybe I could have shared Christ's love with her and she would have wanted to stay around. But I do not blame myself, because I know that ultimately it was her decision to do what she did. No one forced her.
I went to her funeral the Tuesday after. She had arranged everything before hand. There were no ministers, no words of hope and encouragement really, just an idea that she was in a better place. They played a couple of her favorite songs, read a letter she had written to all of us. We had an opportunity to write back and then we placed our letters within her grave.
I didn't get to see her face; I wanted to, just to prove that it was real. I still find it hard to believe, I think that I will see her one day and she will say it was all a joke, she had a good time reading our letters. But what struck me about the funeral, they asked if anyone had anything to say, and I wanted to speak. I wanted to share with everyone that my friend was loved, as we all are, by a perfect God in heaven. I wanted them to know that there was hope if they would trust in the name of Jesus.
But I was afraid. See, in life, my friend had despised the name of Jesus. She and those around her thought Christians hated homosexuals and equality for all. They do not understand that perfect love has boundries. They are a rebellious group who hates boundaries. I thought if I spoke up for Christ they would hurt me, and my son who was with me. (My sister actually agreed with this sentiment.)
But I remember the words of James who says to "count it all joy" when we suffer for Christ's sake. and 1 Peter 4:10-16 says:
While I was there, a couple of other women were there to minister as well. We asked the passersby if they would like to pray with us or if they had accepted Jesus as savior. I handed out my tracs and flyers to another Christian concert that would be held the next day. While we were out there ministering I got a call from my sister. Apparently, earlier that day, a friend of ours from college had taken her life.
I think if anyone else had heard that news they would have broken down in tears and begun crying right away. I was saddened, and upset, but I could not cry. That is when I realized that inspite of the circumstances around me, I have the joy of the Lord in my heart. I praised God after my sister and I got off the phone. Not because my friend had taken her life, but because inspite of it all, God is good.
See, my friend was an atheist, and she suffered from depression. I believe her depression stemmed from the fact that she did not have a clear view of herself. She did not see what I saw, or what God saw. That she was a beautiful woman created in the image of God. She rebelled against this image, finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that she was indeed a woman.
I praised God because before I was saved, I thought the same way she did. I found it difficult to live in my own skin. I did not see why gender mattered, why I was called a woman, why I couldn't be a man. I struggled with depression and tried to take my life on numerous occassions, but I know God was with me through it all and eventually He delivered me from it.
I was also sorrowful though, because I had deleted her as a friend off of my Facebook Page after she made blasphemous statements about God. I thought to myself that if I hadn't taken her out of my life, or gotten out of hers, maybe I could have ministered to her. Maybe I could have shared Christ's love with her and she would have wanted to stay around. But I do not blame myself, because I know that ultimately it was her decision to do what she did. No one forced her.
I went to her funeral the Tuesday after. She had arranged everything before hand. There were no ministers, no words of hope and encouragement really, just an idea that she was in a better place. They played a couple of her favorite songs, read a letter she had written to all of us. We had an opportunity to write back and then we placed our letters within her grave.
I didn't get to see her face; I wanted to, just to prove that it was real. I still find it hard to believe, I think that I will see her one day and she will say it was all a joke, she had a good time reading our letters. But what struck me about the funeral, they asked if anyone had anything to say, and I wanted to speak. I wanted to share with everyone that my friend was loved, as we all are, by a perfect God in heaven. I wanted them to know that there was hope if they would trust in the name of Jesus.
But I was afraid. See, in life, my friend had despised the name of Jesus. She and those around her thought Christians hated homosexuals and equality for all. They do not understand that perfect love has boundries. They are a rebellious group who hates boundaries. I thought if I spoke up for Christ they would hurt me, and my son who was with me. (My sister actually agreed with this sentiment.)
But I remember the words of James who says to "count it all joy" when we suffer for Christ's sake. and 1 Peter 4:10-16 says:
I don't want to miss any more opportunities to minister the gospel of Jesus Christ, no matter what harm may come to myself.As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.11 If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 14 If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.[a] On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified. 15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters. 16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.
Comments
Post a Comment