When life sends you lemons, make lemonade

Confession: I'm so afraid of failing, that I won't even take a step.

I have been working for the government over 6 years now. I started as a student intern while getting my undergrad at Winthrop University.

After I got my degree, I continued to graduate school. Yes, I wanted to get a master’s degree, but more importantly, in order to keep my job, I had to stay in school. The program I was in required it.

Let me tell you, as a single parent mom, undergrad and graduate education are worlds apart. The work load in graduate school, even for a 9 hour course load, is far more difficult and requires more time than undergrad. Plus, I was still working part time and trying to fulfill my mommy duties.

Less than halfway through my graduate program, I quit. I was stressed and unsure if I could continue working and going to school. I chose to work full-time instead.

But after some time passed, the effects of my decision have finally caught up with me. See in order to keep my job; I had to be in school. If I had simply quit my job back then, or even lowered my hours until I was only working a couple days a week, if that, I would still have my education (and even more student loan debt than I already have).

Of course now I have no job, no education, and student loan debt. Obviously I didn't think that decision through thoroughly. So now what am I to do?

I want to explore a career in writing. I like blogging, I write for the Examiner, etc. The end goal is for me to have my own interactive website; I'm not sure how that is lucrative venture, but I'll find out.

In the meantime, I need to apply where people are looking for writers. But here's the thing, I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be good enough or somehow I won't do it right. So before I even apply I already tell myself: they will not hire me, and if they do, I will mess it up.

I have already defeated myself before I have even begun.

Here's the way I should look at it:

I do not have a job. If they do not hire me, nothing changes. If they hire me and fire me because I am not good enough, nothing changes. If they hire me and I succeed...

Ah, now there's the kicker, the what if something actually changes. You know all of hope hangs in that one scenario; the what if positive change.

That should be enough right; for someone to turn lemons into lemonade. The hope that it could be good should be enough. Hebrews 11: 1 says, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The old adage, believing is receiving, becomes real in the light of faith. So, in spite of how I feel, and the way things seem, I will put my faith in God, and His promises (which are yes and amen) and step out in faith and pursue this career.